I’m confident when I say that I have made a lot of bad choices in my life. In some ways, it feels like my life hasn’t been my own. It’s like my memories, my history, my substance has been part of a movie where I have played the audience and my actions are that of someone else’s.
The reality, however, is much darker. I am (at the time of writing this) 38 years old. I have overused drink and drugs as a way of to escape ownership from my life which have caused me many problems in the past.
In my younger days, I stole a double-decker buse for the fun of it. It’s safe to say I have pissed off more people than I dare think about and more importantly, I’ve let down many that I have had the pleasure of calling a friend.
Four years ago I got the news that I was going to be a father. We had been trying for some time and in some ways, I felt pressured to have children. I wasn’t ready in the slightest. The relationship between me and my partner at the time was unsteady throughout. We were constantly arguing (that’s putting it lightly) and I was consistently getting wasted as an escape from it all. I was lost!
The relationship between my ex and I started taking a turn for the worse and we eventually went our separate ways.
Now don’t get me wrong here. I’m not trying to play the victim. I am aware that these actions are my own and I have no-one else to blame but myself for where I am. I accept full responsibility for my actions.
My daughter, myself and those I care for are growing up (and old) fast and I realise that in order to be fulfilled, I need to take responsability. I know that I have not been the best father I could have been in the past. However you can either do what’s necessary to make put things right or you wallow in the past and get nowehere.
My daughter sees me as her hero. It’s my duty to be the person she needs in her life and I owe it to myself to create a life that I am proud of while helping others that need to do the same, create something of theirs.
This can only be done through honesty, action & love.
So this is my journey to become a better man and thus, a better father!