Do the difficult things while they are easy and do the great things while they are small. A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step. Lao Tzu
There is no doubt in my mind that the journey ahead is a long one. But so would have the alternative path of self-destruction. What’s daunting and exciting in equal rights is the possibility of what can be. I know full well on where I would end up if I continued on my current path – and it’s not a pretty thought. On the other hand, change is the unknown and although it seems scary, the option of what I can become (even just thinking about it) develops a sense of pride even before the results are in. What I’m trying to say is that the future (at least on the new path) is a promising one despite all the emotions coursing through my veins.
Change is always daunting. We become attached to our routines and, if you have done them for as long as I have, they are part of your psyche and although they are a big part of ME until I do them again they are (in the realist form) my PAST!
This is the mindset I need to take on when feelings of relapse occur – especially when it comes to gambling as this is what has consumed my life for the last two years. However, it’s not only this that needs to change. There is a lot more work involved than one bad-habit. Let’s assess for a moment on where I am at and what needs addressing.
- Health – I am overweight and generally feel tired all the time. I actually have boobs and have done for many years. My diet is poor beyond belief and above all this, I am a heavy smoker
- Money – despite making decent money, I spend whatever I have on shite. It’s not unusual to have spent my wages half-way into the month
- Gambling – I totalled up yesterday that I have gambled close to £15k
- Debt – I am around £25k in debt
- Friendship – There is no doubt that I have neglected my friendships over the years and despite this, my core group still stick by me
- Business – I have loads of ideas but never really put things into place. I start projects and never really see them through
To enter this by trying to change everything at once would undoubtedly set me up for failure. On the other hand, do too little and I’m never going to progress.
My biggest focus needs to be on my health and I need to put a huge emphasis on pushing myself daily to do some form of exercise. It’s important to build up a routine in which my mind becomes used to doing, to the point where I feel bad if I miss a day.
Health is a huge factor when it comes to being focused and at the minute, I am none of the above. So this is my initial steps.
Some might read this and think ‘Hey, why don’t you change everything from the start?’. Like I mentioned, if I decided to change everything at once then my journey would be over before it had even begun. I’m not saying that I will be frugally doing the other things but it’s key to understand yourself when going down a different path. It’s important that I am realistic in my reasoning and methodical in my approach to create a better future. So health is my first correction!
I will also put a little counter on the blog to outline how many days I am gambling-free as this will help as a motivator for me to stay away – especially as it grows into the days, weeks, months and years… and hopefully forever!
I truly believe that anyone can change. However, I feel it’s important to find out your WHY. It’s OK to have the nice ideas but if that’s all they are, a fleeting thought as the cogs turn in your brain then change will never happen.
My WHY is this… For me, I simply don’t want to let my daughter down. Up until now, despite all my flaws, she has looked up to me for guidance. If I stayed on this path then there would be a point in which those looks of pride would turn to shame and I simply can’t let it come to that. She deserves so much more than that!